i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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