so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
