im six kinds of drunk right now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
