While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
