I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
don't judge my taste in strippers
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
