You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
