I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
