where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
