just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
