At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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