So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
