i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
