if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
