When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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