So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
