I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
