they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
