Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
