Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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