dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The feeling are messing with the penis
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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