Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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