the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
