He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
