So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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