Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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