i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize