Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
