What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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