He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
