Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just invented taco cereal.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize