Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
