I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
