I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
