I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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