now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
