how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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