But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
