Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
