it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
