Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
