They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
