i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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