she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
