i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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