I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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