Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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