So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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