"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
