At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
