the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
