drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
