Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
