She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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