he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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