The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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