She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
