you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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