just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
