So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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