yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
