we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
