I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
