she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
