1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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