I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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