goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sext me about skeletons
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
